7 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Friend
First, Happy Halloween!
If you caught our IG yesterday then you already know that
Champ and I are ready and waiting for our trick or treaters.
Second, today we are tackling a heavy subject… Toxic Friendships.
I was recently inspired by a conversation I had with a new friend. I was going back and forth for a while about if I should write a post on this subject and finally decided that I should. I was trying to think of what my friends come to me for advice for/how I help them with situations and I realized a lot of them come to me for relationship advice. Usually the advice is about guys however, I also talk to them a lot about friendships so I thought why not give it a whirl and share some tell-tale signs for when it’s time to break up with your friend.
A few years ago, I decided to break up with several of my friends. The relationships no longer served me and had become extremely toxic. I had started my fitness journey and was seeking a more positive, uplifting approach to life. Unfortunately, some of the relationships in my life were going in a different direction. I’m here today to tell you that it is going to be okay. Ending a relationship doesn’t have to be some elaborate, dramatic situation and if it becomes that, it probably wasn’t good for you in the first place.
Please Note: The relationships mentioned below are not to bash anyone. I did not want to name names and I tried to keep it relatively vague because I am not here to hurt anyone. My friends of the past aren’t bad people and I want to make that clear. The relationships just did not serve me or my life values anymore.
Before you go,
comment below and tell me if you ever
had to break up with a friend and how you feel today.
PS- For the holidays we are back to posting three times a week so make sure to come back Thursday for an exciting post and giveaway!
7 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Friend:
1. The relationship is no longer beneficial: Let me start off by saying I do not go into relationships expecting to benefit or get something out of it. What I mean by beneficial is the relationship is no longer serving you or it has run it’s course. You should not go into a new relationship looking to get something out of it but there should always be a mutual effort and it should feel effortless. You shouldn’t be the one always giving and if you are, it may be time for a break or break up. As humans, we tend to give until we can’t anymore but as a self-love practice you should seek to occasionally get something in return because you deserve it. For example, I had a best friend [who I still deep down love dearly but the relationship turned very toxic, very quick], and we ended up going to different colleges. I’m not going to bore you with the details but I found that I was the only one making an effort to visit her at school. After our freshman year, I transferred to a school that happen to be 20 minutes from her. She came to visit me once Junior year and it was a for a few hours. This was my best friend since high school! We were together ALL the time and I loved her dearly. Did she not love me as much? Was I not worth the effort? Did I do something wrong? These thoughts constantly popped in and out of my head. At the end of the day, after taking a step back, I realized a lot of things had changed. She was getting into different hobbies, dating someone new, and was becoming a completely different person from the girl I knew and loved. My relationship with her fell between the cracks and I had become less important in her life. I will never forget our last fight because we never spoke again after that. I was upset she wasn’t making an effort to come visit me and was being very distant so I decided to message her about it [this was back in the days of AIM]. There was a lot of back and forth but the last thing she said to me was that I was a ‘toolbag’ and to never contact her again. I struggled for months after that conversation with the fact that I had just lost my best friend because I wanted her to come visit me at school. Was I selfish? Was I wrong for caring? Was it worth ending a 10 year friendship? Was I a toolbag for giving a sh*t about our friendship? The point of me telling you all this is that it was a lot more than just the visiting. Towards the end of our friendship I was the one putting in 90% of the effort into the relationship. It isn’t a good relationship if you are the one who is always giving or trying. If you are constantly asking about their life and making sure they are okay they should be investing the same care in you and in your life. You should both want to make the relationship work because if only one is putting in effort then it becomes a chore or work and it is no longer a mutually beneficial friendship.
2. The relationship is on eggshells: One thing you should never tolerate in a friendship is being afraid to talk to your friend. If you are constantly on eggshells or afraid to talk to a friend in fear they will get upset or angry, then the relationship may not be as emotionally mature as you may want it to be. As a friend, you should be able to have tough conversations without it turning into a fight and if every conversation is a fight or your friend is constantly upset with you, it may be time to take a step back and realize it’s to move on. That crap is negative and you should have no room for it in your emotional piggybank. Plus who wants a relationship that is always a fight or struggle? When the bad times outweigh the good times, it’s time to break up.
3. The relationship is exhausting: One of main reasons I ended several friendships [in this particular group of friends] a few years ago was because they were emotionally draining and exhausting and because it wasn’t fun anymore. I had to worry if they would be upset with me for not going out during the weekend [yes, seriously] or who I was hanging out with or who I was talking to. They would constantly make fun of people and pick fights. It got to a point where I realized that they were ‘mean girls’ and that I was not going to let someone else control how I was feeling or how I lived my life. Who were they to tell me when I needed to go out or who I should talk to? It took about two years but I slowly started to back away from those relationships and eventually we just stopped talking. Their vibe no longer matched mine and surprisingly there was no epic blow out between us [which was a relief]. I am glad to say my life is less stressful and pretty drama free now. I’m not constantly worrying about getting a nasty, confrontational text or having passive aggressive conversations. Those relationships served a purpose for me in college. They were fun to party with but that was the extent. They weren’t super deep and the conversations were rarely were heartfelt. Another thing that I had come to own was a very positive and supportive lifestyle. I wanted to be treated how I treated others which was with respect, love and support. It took me a while but eventually I realized that those relationships were the opposite of that. I am grateful for the fun times we had but I love my life now without the drama.
4. The relationship has grown apart: This happens all the time and there is nothing wrong with it. People grow. It’s a part of life and if you aren’t growing then maybe take a look in the mirror and peep into what is really going on. But seriously, people grow apart all the time. It’s not a bad thing and maybe your friend moved away or you found two different groups of friends in high school. It happens. It doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t great but maybe you now want different things. Maybe your old friend is into sports and you’re into glamping. It’s okay and while you don’t have to completely break up with your friend, realize it is okay to move on and live your life.
5. The friend is always right: First of all, who likes someone who is always right? No one is always right and if a friend can’t admit they are wrong in a situation from time to time then that isn’t good. Relationships are a push and pull, a give and take. There will be times when you occasionally argue and in those times both sides should be able to look at the situation and have a mature conversation about the issue. It shouldn’t be about who is right and who is wrong and if it is…well, then you know what I am going to say.
6. They are competing with you: UGH. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I guess I’ll start with the fact your friends should be supporting you not competing with you but I’ll leave the support talk for the next sign. If a friend is a competing with you, they are not your friend. Don’t get me wrong, a little healthy competition is good but not when it comes to friendship. I had a ‘friend’ when I was younger who would always try to one-up me whether it was sports, friends, clothing, or boys. It was SO weird and I didn’t understand it. Needless to say, the relationship wasn’t that genuine and we were only friends because we played sports together. At the end of the day, I didn’t mind loosing that friendship and we grew apart as soon as sports ended. Your friends should lift you up not try to drag you down by trying to beat your game.
7. They are not supportive: Hello sign number 7! If you read anything from this post, read this. I literally don’t even know where to begin with this one. Out of all the lessons I’ve learned, the main lesson you should take away from this post is that your friends should support you and you should support your friends. I’m not saying you have to support every lifestyle choice. If they are going down a shady path have a conversation with them but if they are starting a new business or trying a new venture, support them because they will need it more than you know. They say you are who you surround yourself with and I constantly seek to have healthy, supportive, and positive relationships. One example of a supportive, solid friendship is my best friend Ashley. I will never forget when I started my fitness journey who was there for me and who made fun of me. Yes, I said made fun of me. When I was ending one of those several friendships from that group, one of them had the nerve to tell me my best friend was making fun of me for doing fitness competitions and ‘being orange’. I asked my best friend about it and she adamantly denied it and I believed her. Why? because she was the only one to ever supported me. The only one who ever asked me any sort of questions about the process and the only one who showed any form of interest in how I was doing. I was so mad at myself for even asking her and believing that other friend for even a second. In retrospect, I now realize that during the argument with my former friend that she was hurt and deflecting from the conversation. She was using my best friend against me to not seem like she was wrong and to avoid me ending that relationship. In the end, my best friend is still my best friend [thankfully] and she continues to support me as I continue to support her. The friendship is effortless and healthy and it embodies what a true, supportive friendship should look like.
Alright loves, I hope those of you looking for advice were able to find some answers in todays post. If you want something a little bit lighter, make sure to check out our 5 tips to survive Halloween or 10+ of our Favorite Fall Lipsticks?
Here is your Pin-able:
Have a recommendation for a blog post?
Comment below or email us!